First posted on July 15th, 2011 on The Rotting Flesh Raido Podcast and Blog - CW post link
Monsters. They come in all shapes and sizes. They all have different motivations but never forget that they are all very dangerous. Some monsters come from the darkest bowels of our world but sometimes they don’t come from our world at all. The history of these “visitations” has been a constant source of debate throughout society and has been largely ridiculed by those who claim to be experts in the journalism and science communities. Even the most extreme skeptics however would have to admit that there have been cases that aren’t so easily explained away. Cases that are so compelling that anyone would have to admit that maybe, just maybe, they’re true.
Today I would like to talk to you about one such case, a case that has been suppressed by those in power over the years but at the time of “the event” caused an incredible stir. On August 2nd 1958, a young farmer by the name of Sheb Wilhelm Wooley was out in the fields inspecting his crops, picking up handfuls of dirt and letting them run through his fingers…basically doing all the things that farmers enjoy. At around 2 o’clock pm , while Sheb was adjusting his scarecrow, he noticed a flash above him, and then what appeared to be something coming out of the sky. As the object grew closer, Sheb realized it was heading directly for his farm. He was able to avoid the impact and the scattered debris, but his farm was not so lucky.
The otherworldly object tore through the middle of his land, displacing all of his carefully organized dirt and killing his scarecrow. Consumed by confusion, terror and heartbreak at the loss of his straw-stuffed friend he approached the crash sight to investigate. What had appeared to be a silver streak when in flight now looked to be a craft of some sort. Badly damaged but still structurally sound. He approached the ship and suddenly it began to hum. Then it started to rock, really rocking around. It was a crazy movement that he had never seen before and he started to quickly back away when the ship opened. A creature stepped from the shadows of the craft. An alien, a…monster. And monster was a good description according to Wooley, the creature was covered in fur from head to toe. In the center of what you would call its face, was an enormous eye and at the top of his head was one long horn. Sheb has gone on record as saying “Ooh eeh, as it stepped into the daylight it commenced a shaking, I still got me a fairly good look at it. It had the look of….well I guess the best way I could put it is that it looked like some sort of people eater. Maybe even a purple people eater but I’m not sure.” When asked if he meant the alien was purple he replied. “Well sir! I tend to be fairly vague on that particular subject. I have to admit I was horrified, I actually began to beg the creature to spare my life, and ideally not eat me” The creature seemed confused and then after possibly taking a moment to process our language said, and I can still remember it like it was yesterday, it said “I wouldn’t eat you because your so tough.” It seemed utterly ridiculous. The creatures voice was so gruff… and yet, it was also high pitched and not gruff in the least…I can’t explain it, it was a confusing time. The creature than began to fly by its own power.
This one eyed beast eventually landed on a tree. It looked undeniably menacing and Sheb Wooley knew instinctively that while he might not be directly in danger,this creature would feed and WE were its food. He tried to keep the creature talking and come up with some sort of plan but the monster seemed to see right through his actions. It started to cause the tree to swing and sway all the while talking about a plan to blend in to society enough to begin a proper “harvest“. What happened next is best expressed in Wooley‘s own words “Well bless my soul that monster transformed before my eyes he began to look more and more human all the while creati’n this terrible sound kinda like a boop boop aboopa lopa lum bam boom. Now you understand that’s not word for word but it was something pretty similar.”
After it completed its horrific transformation and went on its way, Sheb tried to reassemble the shattered remnants of his life. But never seemed to be able to go back to life among the normal. One evening while watching the television he saw a report about a riot at a rock concert. One girl in extremely short shorts was being interviewed and began to frantically talk about a member of the band. Apparently, during the concert one of “people” on stage suddenly grew a horn from the top of his head and began to blast an incredibly loud sound from it. He dove among the confused audience and chaos ensued. Very few of the people attending the audience survived as most were either brutally killed by the rampaging rocker, or trampled by fellow victims trying to escape.
As Wooley watched in disgust, a powerful fire began to rise within him and he knew what he had to do he had to stop the people eater. He armed himself with all of the high tech weaponry and state of the art armor available to the average farmer and sought out a partner, a partner by the name of Dr. Elliot Demento. Dr. Demento is one of the most respected theoretical biologists in history and would be key to finding a weakness in the creature’s physiology and bring him down. Understandably, it took a little convincing to get Demento on board. “When Sheb first approached me I actually laughed him out of the office, I mean wouldn’t you? A one eyed, one horned flying purple people eater? Sure looks strange to me! But after seeing his persistence I finally took a real look at all of the evidence. It totally blew me away. I mean, this was real and it needed to be stopped. Not everyone believes us but we know our destiny and we will succeed.”
No one has heard anything from Wooley or Demento in many years but it is my true belief that they are still out there still hunting the monster that in turn hunts us all. I think they will destroy the creature, save us all, and go down in history finally gaining the respect and the appreciation of all of the people they have spent their lives attempting to protect.
…Tequila.
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